All right....

[lintninja]

I give up. I can't do this. Four major meltdowns in three days. The last one because he misheard what I said and was waiting for me to go out on a walk with him. I explained that he had misheard me, but he could not let go of what he thought that I said. He has gone walkabout now.
I can't keep this up. He throws things when the slightest thing goes wrong. If he knocks something over, he picks it up an throws in across the room, even if I am in the line of fire. There is nothing that I can say or do to keep him from a meltdown. I am exhausted. Constantly living on my nerve endings ready to change direction and avoid a meltdown.
I am so, so tired.

Comments

[fexurbislexorbis5]

Oh honey. I am so damn sorry. You are in such an awful position. It's unfair and toxic, and just plain shitty. There isn't anything you can say or do to keep him from having meltdowns - this isn't anything that you can control. This is just unsustainable and more than one person can handle. I love you, sweetie. I hope you can get some rest tonight.

[sushispook]

Oh sweetie. Dementia of any kind is so much bigger than one person. You can't fight the storm and there's nothing gained from pretending otherwise - and it's clearly not working for him either. I am so fucking sorry.

I love you. It's okay to be beaten by this, because it's a beast. You are worth helping - I hope you can find a way to ask for help to shift out of this.

<3 <3 <3 <3

[lintninja]

I know that it is a losing battle. I know that I have to find some sort of solution that does not involve me committing murder. I just have to scrape up the energy to go on and find something that will not kill either one of us.